The human brain starts working the moment you are born & never stops until you stand up in public.

Definition of Committee:- An animal with four back legs

A man’s home is his wife’s castle  

God could not be everywhere so He made mothers.

We the willing led by the unknowing are doing the impossible for the ungrateful we have done so much for so long with so little we are now qualified to do anything with nothing.

Only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy.  One is to let her think she is having her own way and the other is to let her have it.

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.

Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want.

It’s just a job, grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand.  I beat people up.

There is only one cure for grey hair.  It was invented by a Frenchman.  It is called the guillotine.

Guidelines for bureaucrats: When in charge, ponder.  When in trouble, delegate.  When in doubt, mumble.